Beauty doesn't live well with drama, I've found. In fact, the less drama you have in your world the more peaceful, serene and beautiful will be your life! So, think about your own drama triangles, make a plan to stop the game, and see how it affects your inner beauty!
THE DRAMA TRIANGLE
The drama triangle is composed of three actors or roles: the VICTIM, the RESCUER, and the PERSECUTOR. These are roles people play, not real people; the real person is much more complex than the role.
Setting the Stage
The VICTIM feels sad, self pity because of what the PERSECUTOR does and the RESCUER tries to help the VICTIM recover.
The Triangle is exhausting and never ending. Because there are no limits or ethical boundaries you don’t know when you are ‘done’ with the drama. This lack of boundaries or an ending means you become exhausted, but can’t quit the drama. A drama ends when a player refuses to be involved and quits, or in extreme cases when the drama escalates and results in death.
If you play one role in this Drama you play them all. While each person may have his favorite role, the demands of drama require that each person will move through all the roles, like people playing musical chairs.
The Script
ACT ONE:
The VICTIM “Help me!” | ||||
 |  | |||
The PERSECUTOR “It’s Your Fault” | The RESCUER “I’ll Help You!” | |||
With a PERSECUTOR in place, VICTIM continues to cry for help and RESCUER repeatedly responds. However, VICTIM will not let the RESCUER make him feel better because there is secret pleasure in continuing to be the VICTIM. As the drama unfolds, the RESCUER tells himself “You must try harder” and redoubles his efforts to make the VICTIM feel better…
Eventually, the VICTIM becomes annoyed at the RESCUER’S persistence and moves to a new role – PERSECUTOR. The VICTIM is now set on punishing the RESCUER, saying “You are a bad rescuer. You obviously failed and I am justified in punishing you for failing me.” Now we have a new PERSECUTOR to refuel the drama and set the stage for the next act.
ACT TWO:
The VICTIM (formerly the RESCUER) “I’m so helpless and depressed. I was only trying to help.” | ||||
 |  | |||
The PERSECUTOR (formerly the VICTIM) “I’m angry. Leave me alone. You can’t help.” | The RESCUER (former PERSECUTOR or a new player) “I’ll Help You!” | |||
The new VICTIM has to recruit a new RESCUER to complete the triangle and help him feel better. However, the VICTIM will never allow the RESCUER to really help. The RESCUER tries repeatedly and becomes frustrated.
ACT THREE:
The VICTIM (returning to his original role) “Help me!” | ||||
 |  | |||
The PERSECUTOR (former RESCUER) “It’s Your Fault” | The RESCUER (returning to his original role) “I’ll Help You!” | |||
The RESCUER becomes angry with the original VICTIM/new PERSECUTOR and does something that puts the PERSECUTOR back into the VICTIM role. With the original VICTIM in the role once again, the original RESCUER can now return to his original role and no longer needs to be the VICTIM. The RESCUER who was recruited in Act Two is now in the role of PERSECUTOR.
The Cast
Each person has favorite roles based on Motivation and Ego.
PERSECUTOR | VICTIM | RESCUER |
Motivation: overt anxiety/ subtle helplessness. Ego: Angry, disciplinary parent | Motivation: overt helplessness/subtle anger. Ego: Child-like | Motivation: overt anger/ subtle anxiety Ego: Concerned, overly indulgent parent |
Motivation depends on whether anger, helplessness, or anxiety is the most familiar emotional state. You learn favorite emotions from your childhood family dramas.
Ego refers to being Childlike, Parental, or Adult. None of the roles involve thoughtful problem solving, which is the adult ego state. So, no one is a full human being – they are all living in a restricted range. Ideally we can be Childish (fun), Adult-like (problem-solving) and Parental (caretaking and holding accountable) at different times. We should be flexible and adapt to different situations. People who are rigidly in one or another role are not whole, they have a limited range of flexibility. And they are unhappy.
Ending the Drama
To end your role in the Drama, you have to back away and require that each person deal with their own issues. You must call the behavior what it is and leave the person to sort out his own feelings and bounce back. When the Drama ends, the various roles will respond with a burst of behavior that may be new to the Drama.
The VICTIM – Anger Burst followed by Helplessness Burst. Having been rewarded for being a VICTIM, will at first be very angry when he is told it is his own responsibility to recover. He will then shift to extreme helplessness and exaggeration, trying to get the RESCUER to participate in the Drama again.
The RESCUER – Fear Burst. He will fear “What will the poor VICTIM do?!?!” and reinforce the VICTIM. To get through this burst, one must help the RESCUER focus on his own feelings and deal with them.
The PERSECUTOR – Anxiety Burst. He will be convinced that “No one is getting it! We need to do the right thing or else!” and step up persecution and blame. To get through this burst, one must help the PERSECUTOR focus on how to cope when things aren’t going well and determine what he will do to help himself cope rather than controlling others.
About Us |
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