Do you remember the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts and Richard Gere are lying in bed talking. He tells her “I think you are a very bright, very special woman.” And she responds, “The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?”
The same goes for compliments about beauty. In this case, he was telling her she was smart and special. But I suspect the same response would’ve come if he’d offered even a sincere compliment about her beauty. Not “Hey, you’re really hot.” But if he’d said, “You are so lovely” she probably wouldn’t have believed him.
Why? Because how people perceive your intelligence, talent, ability, and yes, appearance is not real. “Beauty” is not real.
Let me repeat that: “Beauty” is not real.
It is in your head. It is in every person’s head. It is literally, in the eye of the beholder. Well, baby, you are the beholder. So change the way you behold yourself and you will change the way you feel about your beauty. Not so easy. But so worth it in the end.
Horizon Moment: Understanding Beauty
How do you know if you’ve climbed a mountain? Not by looking ahead. You know by looking where you’ve come from and seeing the change in the horizon. These "Horizon Moment" questions help you see how far you’ve come and help you feel confident in your progress at each stage of rehab.
1. What do you believe about beauty today?
2. How would you describe your attitude about your beauty?
3. What are your concerns or fears about this process?
4. How are you excited or positive about this process?
27 April 2010
21 April 2010
Are You a Beauty P.O.W.?
Some women have a fear of growing older. Maybe they’ve always been “beautiful” and reinforced for physical beauty throughout their lives. There may be no worse curse than to be a beauty. I know, shocking! But it’s true. A beauty is told so often that she’s beautiful that she may doubt her other qualities. She may not know that she’s funny, intelligent, or brave. And as she grows older and the younger beauties are hot on her heels, she may think that she has to hold on to that beauty at all costs, because she has nothing else.
This leads to unfortunate collagen accidents and costly plastic surgeries. This leads to dressing like a teenager when she’s in her mid 40s. This leads to being vulnerable to men who, understanding the psychology of a beauty, don’t tell her she’s beautiful – but tell her she’s smart. Now, she may indeed be smart, but even the smartest beauty can’t resist a man who acknowledges her intelligence and this leaves her wide open to being seduced by a man who has found her weakness.
On the other side, we have the woman who has never thought she was beautiful. She’s had to discover other ways to attract and intrigue. She may have sharp wit or a great career, but underneath she’s the ugly duckling yearning to be told she’s pretty. Some of these women just give up. They don’t bother with the “beauty game” because they don’t think they can compete. So, they dress in a uniform – such as sweats every day, or the same black pants and tops, or any other recycled look – and they silence the woman inside them who wants to be beautiful.
Some women have been or are ‘beauty prisoners of war.’ Someone in their life – it could be a parent, a partner, or another influential person – picks out the negative, never the positive. This beauty terrorist is skilled at finding the little insecurities and blowing them up. If they’re being kind, it’s backhanded compliments – “You look so great for your weight!” But in extreme cases it can be incredibly demoralizing, flat out overt criticisms about appearance. If you’ve survived your beauty POW experience, this book will help you understand why you feel the way you do and how to reclaim your beauty. If you are currently in a POW situation, this book will give you the confidence to understand how another person sees you has nothing to do with beauty. You own your beauty and you have the power to decide how you feel about how you look.
Whether you were the beauty or the ugly duckling or a beauty POW, understanding your beauty psychology is important. Your life experiences have created your unique perception of beauty – nobody sees ‘beautiful’ exactly the way you do. The people and influences you encountered in your childhood, when you were forming your vision of ‘beauty’ play a role in how you see yourself today. You have a unique view of yourself. Nobody sees your physical self exactly as you do. This view of yourself can change as your life unfolds. Divorce. Illness. Stress. Cancer. Pregnancy. Menopause. Weight changes. They all affect how you see yourself and what you choose to project.
Today's Beauty Rehab Question: What are your beauty fears? Do you have any 'beauty terrorists' from your past (or present?) who are still feeding you negative thoughts?
This leads to unfortunate collagen accidents and costly plastic surgeries. This leads to dressing like a teenager when she’s in her mid 40s. This leads to being vulnerable to men who, understanding the psychology of a beauty, don’t tell her she’s beautiful – but tell her she’s smart. Now, she may indeed be smart, but even the smartest beauty can’t resist a man who acknowledges her intelligence and this leaves her wide open to being seduced by a man who has found her weakness.
On the other side, we have the woman who has never thought she was beautiful. She’s had to discover other ways to attract and intrigue. She may have sharp wit or a great career, but underneath she’s the ugly duckling yearning to be told she’s pretty. Some of these women just give up. They don’t bother with the “beauty game” because they don’t think they can compete. So, they dress in a uniform – such as sweats every day, or the same black pants and tops, or any other recycled look – and they silence the woman inside them who wants to be beautiful.
Some women have been or are ‘beauty prisoners of war.’ Someone in their life – it could be a parent, a partner, or another influential person – picks out the negative, never the positive. This beauty terrorist is skilled at finding the little insecurities and blowing them up. If they’re being kind, it’s backhanded compliments – “You look so great for your weight!” But in extreme cases it can be incredibly demoralizing, flat out overt criticisms about appearance. If you’ve survived your beauty POW experience, this book will help you understand why you feel the way you do and how to reclaim your beauty. If you are currently in a POW situation, this book will give you the confidence to understand how another person sees you has nothing to do with beauty. You own your beauty and you have the power to decide how you feel about how you look.
Whether you were the beauty or the ugly duckling or a beauty POW, understanding your beauty psychology is important. Your life experiences have created your unique perception of beauty – nobody sees ‘beautiful’ exactly the way you do. The people and influences you encountered in your childhood, when you were forming your vision of ‘beauty’ play a role in how you see yourself today. You have a unique view of yourself. Nobody sees your physical self exactly as you do. This view of yourself can change as your life unfolds. Divorce. Illness. Stress. Cancer. Pregnancy. Menopause. Weight changes. They all affect how you see yourself and what you choose to project.
Today's Beauty Rehab Question: What are your beauty fears? Do you have any 'beauty terrorists' from your past (or present?) who are still feeding you negative thoughts?
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