New Town, Same Girl

It's been quite an adventurous five months!  I've moved across the planet with kids in tow and started a new marriage, new life!  Now the kids are all in school, we're in our house, work is flowing and all is 'normal' in the universe.  Spending plenty of time at Topshop on Oxford Circus, Smythson on Bond Street, and Junky Styling in Brick Lane!

What's in my beauty reading radar lately?  I've been on the Tube A LOT lately and reading voraciously.  Loving "Cinderella Ate My Daughter" by Peggy Orenstein and just finished "I Think I Love You" by Allison Pearson.  Makes me strangely happy that I have given birth to three sons instead of daughters... When I found out that each of my boys was, indeed, male, I was shattered.  With each pregnancy I had visions of pink nurseries, hairbows, Barbies, Mary Janes with white anklet socks, and on and on.

Reading these books, though, is a flashback to my own perceptions of beauty and understanding just how deep those roots go...  When Pearson writes about wearing brown (a shade that makes her skin look decidedly yellow!) because she read in a fanzine that David Cassidy liked it, you realize just how early we are conditioned to conform to someone else's vision of beauty.

For me, I remember experimenting with pin curls because I thought boys liked curly hair.  I was about six and one Saturday night I painstakingly crafted the curls.  At church the next day, I flushed with embarrassment when I was convinced that two older teenaged boys were laughing at me.  Even now I can recall that feeling of just wanting to hide - even though the Grown Up Coni knows the boys probably hadn't even noticed me and wouldn't have thought twice about a little girl's hair.

Beauty Workout:  What incidents do you remember from early childhood that defined your image of how you perceived yourself? How do you feel when you think back?  

Time Tested

 

Time Tested Beauty Tips 

by Sam Levenson

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

(This poignant little poem is often mistakenly attributed to Audrey Hepburn, who quoted it frequently. My emphasis added.)

Contemplating Emerson

My favorite philosopher is Emerson.  He stated things so simply, clearly and truthfully.  He spoke his mind, even if it went against popular opinion.

Three great quotes from Emerson to ponder today in your quest for true beauty:

"There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us."


"Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait."


"Things are pretty, graceful, rich, elegant, handsome, but, until they speak to the imagination, not yet beautiful."

Questions I'm asking myself:

• How do I scatter joy?
• Where have I scattered pain?
• How do I demonstrate grace?
• What speaks to my imagination?

Xx
Coni

Beauty Isn't Real

Do you remember the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts and Richard Gere are lying in bed talking. He tells her “I think you are a very bright, very special woman.” And she responds, “The bad stuff is easier to believe. You ever notice that?”

The same goes for compliments about beauty. In this case, he was telling her she was smart and special. But I suspect the same response would’ve come if he’d offered even a sincere compliment about her beauty. Not “Hey, you’re really hot.” But if he’d said, “You are so lovely” she probably wouldn’t have believed him.

Why? Because how people perceive your intelligence, talent, ability, and yes, appearance is not real. “Beauty” is not real.

Let me repeat that: “Beauty” is not real.

It is in your head. It is in every person’s head. It is literally, in the eye of the beholder. Well, baby, you are the beholder. So change the way you behold yourself and you will change the way you feel about your beauty. Not so easy. But so worth it in the end.

Horizon Moment: Understanding Beauty
How do you know if you’ve climbed a mountain? Not by looking ahead. You know by looking where you’ve come from and seeing the change in the horizon. These "Horizon Moment" questions help you see how far you’ve come and help you feel confident in your progress at each stage of rehab.

1. What do you believe about beauty today?
2. How would you describe your attitude about your beauty?
3. What are your concerns or fears about this process?
4. How are you excited or positive about this process?

Are You a Beauty P.O.W.?

Some women have a fear of growing older. Maybe they’ve always been “beautiful” and reinforced for physical beauty throughout their lives. There may be no worse curse than to be a beauty. I know, shocking! But it’s true. A beauty is told so often that she’s beautiful that she may doubt her other qualities. She may not know that she’s funny, intelligent, or brave. And as she grows older and the younger beauties are hot on her heels, she may think that she has to hold on to that beauty at all costs, because she has nothing else.

This leads to unfortunate collagen accidents and costly plastic surgeries. This leads to dressing like a teenager when she’s in her mid 40s. This leads to being vulnerable to men who, understanding the psychology of a beauty, don’t tell her she’s beautiful – but tell her she’s smart. Now, she may indeed be smart, but even the smartest beauty can’t resist a man who acknowledges her intelligence and this leaves her wide open to being seduced by a man who has found her weakness.

On the other side, we have the woman who has never thought she was beautiful. She’s had to discover other ways to attract and intrigue. She may have sharp wit or a great career, but underneath she’s the ugly duckling yearning to be told she’s pretty. Some of these women just give up. They don’t bother with the “beauty game” because they don’t think they can compete. So, they dress in a uniform – such as sweats every day, or the same black pants and tops, or any other recycled look – and they silence the woman inside them who wants to be beautiful.

Some women have been or are ‘beauty prisoners of war.’ Someone in their life – it could be a parent, a partner, or another influential person – picks out the negative, never the positive. This beauty terrorist is skilled at finding the little insecurities and blowing them up. If they’re being kind, it’s backhanded compliments – “You look so great for your weight!” But in extreme cases it can be incredibly demoralizing, flat out overt criticisms about appearance. If you’ve survived your beauty POW experience, this book will help you understand why you feel the way you do and how to reclaim your beauty. If you are currently in a POW situation, this book will give you the confidence to understand how another person sees you has nothing to do with beauty. You own your beauty and you have the power to decide how you feel about how you look.

Whether you were the beauty or the ugly duckling or a beauty POW, understanding your beauty psychology is important. Your life experiences have created your unique perception of beauty – nobody sees ‘beautiful’ exactly the way you do. The people and influences you encountered in your childhood, when you were forming your vision of ‘beauty’ play a role in how you see yourself today. You have a unique view of yourself. Nobody sees your physical self exactly as you do. This view of yourself can change as your life unfolds. Divorce. Illness. Stress. Cancer. Pregnancy. Menopause. Weight changes. They all affect how you see yourself and what you choose to project.

Today's Beauty Rehab Question: What are your beauty fears? Do you have any 'beauty terrorists' from your past (or present?) who are still feeding you negative thoughts?