When I work with people we often 'dig deep' and some really interesting (and intense!) things come up from their past. Maybe it's a divorce, anger over being let go from a job, or anything else that you just can't let go of... If you're holding onto negative feelings, you can't feel beautiful and powerful. That anger and sadness and 'stuck-ness' shows in your face, in your posture, and in your energy. So... herewith, my process (evolved with the help and insight of many, many, many people over the years!) for getting over bad stuff!
QUESTIONS TO ASK IN THE PROCESS
Step 1: Taking Responsibility for My Past
[This is a difficult step. However, while it may feel ‘stuck’ or overly negative, it’s important to look into all the nooks and crevices of your past to identify the unresolved issues so you can move past them. You may not be consciously aware of being rooted in the past – but if you’re having trouble moving forward, it’s often because something is lingering and your subconscious mind is not allowing you to move ahead until the issue has been resolved. You have to accurately and unflinchingly identify the past to be oriented in the future. Don’t worry, the process becomes much more positive after this stage!]
1. Are there previous work relationships that feel incomplete? Lingering resentments, wounded feelings?
2. What regrets do you have about prior work and how you performed or behaved?
3. Are there any incidents that continue to come to your mind?
4. Are there thoughts or concerns that you feel may be holding you back?
5. How have you failed, or been failed by, others in the past?
Step 2: Accepting My Life to Date
[Letting go is a powerful feeling. Once you identify the past, you must accept your role in it. Perhaps you were overlooked, betrayed, or really messed something up - whatever ‘it’ is, accept it and work through it until you have genuinely let go. That means letting go of all the stories you’ve invented about what happened and why. Letting go of the fear, sadness, anger or resentment. Just let go.]
1. What commonalities you see looking at the past? Are there issues that seem to come up repeatedly?
2. How do you feel when you think about the unresolved issues from your past, regrets, or limiting thoughts?
3. What is your role in creating the situations from your past?
4. Look back on one issue, incident or relationship that seems representative of the past or that has troubled you significantly. Describe what actually happened as if you were a reporter telling the facts. Now, think of the ‘stories’ or interpretations you’ve accepted and fostered from this. How has that story limited you?
5. Write a ‘damage report’ listing the damages that are troubling you, no matter how small, how long ago, or how much you have tried to put it in the past. List how you have been harmed by others and the harm you have done to others - intended or unintended – and the cost of these damages.
6. What do you need to do to feel ‘complete’ with your past? Are there apologies to be made, conversations to be had, actions to be taken?
7. Where are you coming from now? How do you feel about the past from a ‘half-empty’ perspective. Now, how do you feel about it from a ‘half-full’ point of view. What have you learned? What’s really important to you now?
8. Answer the simple question – Am I ready to move on and let the past go completely?
Step 3: Assessing Who You Are and What is Possible
[When you’ve truly let go, you can begin learning the language of possibility. In this new language, you speak positively, powerfully, and with grounded optimism about your future. The language of possibility has energy. You may find part of yourself resisting this energy – trying to introduce ‘reality’ that is often code for ‘the past.’ Acknowledge that voice, thank it for reminding you to be practical, and then move quickly back into your future.]
1. What are your core values? Looking at the major life decisions you’ve made in the past, what did you choose and what did you choose against? At each of these ‘intersections’ what was the core value that you were honoring in making that decision?
2. What do you want to create for your future?
3. Think about areas of prior peak performance. What are the highlights of your career so far? Of what are you most proud?
4. What are the areas of past failure – when you weren’t at your best, unsatisfied or unhappy – that you want to avoid in the future?
5. What can others count on you for?
6. Ask yourself and others: When do I excel? What jobs might be best for me? What tasks/functions to I find most rewarding or satisfying?
7. What are you really passionate about right now? Look at what you find yourself reading or thinking about that may have nothing to do with your work.
8. Imagine yourself in the ideal future:
a. What is your work schedule?
b. Level of responsibility?
c. Describe your work environment?
d. Where are you living?
e. How stressful is your work?
f. How much risk are you facing?
g. How much freedom do you have?
Step 4: Exploring Pathways to the Future
[There is no ‘right way.’ No one can tell you the path to find your future. There are countless variables. However, you must start somewhere. The only thing you do know – if you stay on the path you’re on, you’ll get where you’re headed. Do everything you can to muster the energy to start on a new path. Just start somewhere and trust yourself that if you need to, you can make course corrections along the way – but at least you know you’re on a path leading you to your future.]
1. Brainstorm at least seven possible ‘first steps’ to put you on a new pathway to your future: “The first step I took was…” These don’t have to be practical, just let your imagination go.
2. If your life was a book, name the main chapters so far. What is the name of the chapter you’re living in now? What is the name of the next chapter? How about the next five chapters?
3. Who has your ‘dream job?’ With no expectation of immediate gain, seek to interview people you want to ‘drink the blood’ of… In 15 minutes, you can ask:
a. What is it like to be you?
b. What was important in creating this position, company or life?
c. What were the most important three or four forks in the road and how did you approach them?
d. What don’t you like about what you do now?
e. What do you want to be next?
Step 5: Developing a Personal Infrastructure to Support You on Your Path
[Change is stressful for most people. If you create an infrastructure to support you, you’ll be better able to remain calm and focused and less prone to worry or panic.]
1. Who can you ask for support during this transition? List everyone that comes to mind…
2. What specific request would you make of each person to support you?
3. How much money do you have to earn to provide for your family?
4. How long could you survive if you had to live on your current savings and liquidating assets, etc with no additional income?
5. How could you give yourself time to work on finding your next chapter? How much time will you commit each day, each week? What requests will you need to make to get that time?
6. Where could you find a space that feels good to be the ‘headquarters’ for your transition to the next chapter? What equipment and supplies do you need to outfit your headquarters?
7. How will you take care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually during this transition time?
8. How will you know if you’re making progress in your transition? How will you reward yourself for making progress?
About Us |
Coni Judge’s Bloom Service™ is the premier image consulting and fashion consulting firm that caters to individuals, celebrities, athletes, small businesses and corporations word-wide. Providing unparalleled services to help clients maintain their professional and personal image makes Coni Judge’s Bloom Service the leading innovator in self-transformation. Our expert stylists, image consultants, and beauty consultants are well regarded and educated in the fashion and beauty industry in order to provide the best clothing solutions, fashion advice, and makeover services. We provide image consulting and fashion consulting services throughout. Coni Judge’s Bloom Service also offers remote services to out of town clients in need of expert advise and image consultations. Coni Judge’s Bloom Service™ has over twenty image and fashion experts who can assist you with all of your fashion and makeover needs. Coni over 10 years experience in the fashion industry and knows how to translate trends into practical everyday style solutions that work for each individual body type. Due to the overwhelming popularity of network television shows like, "What Not to Wear," Coni Judge’s Bloom Service™ felt a need to establish a company that will offer the average person fashion makeovers and beauty makeovers much like the television show but without the public humility and camera crews! Coni Judge’s Bloom Service has created a little black book of contributing partners that helps to assist with extreme makeovers. All of our dermatologists, beauticians and surgeons are considered the best in their field. Coni Judge’s Bloom Service has the capability to handle every situation no matter how subtle or severe it may be. "The goal for Bloom is to create unique and customized style for each individual client. I believe that everyone can be beautiful regardless of shape, age, or size. I hope that in the future CONI JUDGE’S BLOOM SERVICE™ will be known as a place that people and companies can come to in order to take control of their professional and personal image. It is important that all of our clients learn about what styles, shapes, colors, and fabrics work best for their body structure and lifestyle. Your image is a direct reflection of your inner self; it can create confidence within yourself and make others feel confident about you." Coni Judge Founder of Coni Judge’s Bloom Service™.
Coni Judge’s Bloom Service™ is a growing company that provides a variety of exclusive individual and corporate services including: personal shopper, wardrobe analysis, style tips, fashion advice, make-up tips, women makeovers, men makeovers, and custom clothing. Our clients include small businesses, large corporations, SEO's, Universities, college students, retirees, musicians, artists, brides, mothers, television stations and television personalities. Coni Judge’s Bloom Service is the only image consulting and fashion consulting company that can cater to such a wide group of clientele based on the diversity of their image consultants. They provide individuals with an image that is customized to fit their lifestyle and personality. Whether it is the red carpet, the office or a day of casual activity, Coni Judge’s Bloom Service prepares you for all the events in your life. It is important to dress accordingly for every situation and to understand that casual does not mean you have to compromise style. When your image exceeds your expecations it can empower to accomplish your goals and offer a great deal of self-confidence. Our image consultants are hand selected based on their experience, awareness, and contributions made to the fashion and beauty industry. With degrees in fashion design, merchandising, cosmetology, and editorial fashion, each of our image consultants offer the best advice in personal style and image management! Coni Judge has taken the time to get to know each and every image consultant prior to their employment in order to gaurentee their level of expertise. To find out more about the fashion consultants, stylists, and beauty experts, simply click on “find a consultant.”
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