Royal Fashion Extravaganza: Fascinating Fascinators, Horrifying Headgear, and Fashion Failures

What a fantastic time to live in London!  Woke up, got my coffee in the one piece of wedding memorabilia I allowed myself to purchase (a 'Catherine Close' and 'William Place' mug from John Lewis) made up a breakfast tray of a scone with clotted cream and raspberry jam, and went back to my bed for the rest of the morning to watch it unfold live.  As a major fan of Princess Grace's style, it was wonderful to see a classic fashion moment that didn't disappoint when Kate Middleton stepped out of the car and walked down the aisle.  The inspiration was immediately evident - from the silhouette to the lace to the veil.  I wallowed in the Royal Wedding all day until I was sated and fulfilled for another thirty years.  My poor husband has had his fill, too! (He doesn't understand the American connection to British Royalty - frankly, I'm not sure I understand it, either.  Yet, my fellow female American expats concur that we're all smitten with Royalty and find the British who disdain and despise are a bit sad.  Why not celebrate?!)     

Robert and I also watched the press coverage of our acquaintance Richard Ward, whose salon was charged with creating the 'demi-chignon' for the special day and who executed it beautifully. It's not every day you have to integrate a priceless tiara into a hairdo that will be seen around the globe.  Wonderful job and a great moment for British Hairdressing!

Herewith, my take on the fashion parade that was the Royal Wedding 2011:

Because not everyone got to wear a tiara to the event, the Royal Wedding appears to have formally introduced 'fascinators' to America (see above for an example.)  Sadly, this happens as they have now become passe in the UK, so the American girls who think they've discovered the latest trend are already behind.  Fascinators at their best are strange 'Alice Bands' with bits of feather or fluff attached as a 'youthful' alternative to a proper hat, the mainstay of British social wear.   At their worst, they look like a bird landed on your head.  It's hard to go right with a fascinator - and easy to go very, sadly, troublesomely wrong.

The other star of the Royal Wedding was Philip Treacy, milliner extraordinaire, whose collaboration with Alexander McQueen, above, is absolutely amazing and the undisputed king of headgear.  Treacy reportedly constructed over 30 hats for the Royal Wedding and his staff didn't sleep for days.  It must be hard to meet the client's wants and still keep your vision... for example:

How to construct a hat in Navy that befits a pouting pregnant pop princess who designed her own dress?  This was reportedly completed with minutes to spare before Victoria had to leave for Westminster Abbey.

How to conceal a horrifying nose job with a distracting blue satellite for a socialite?

How to bring the Ugly Stepsisters from Disney's 'Cinderella' to life with black eyeliner to spare? (The British obsession with black eyeliner escapes me - more is more here... it's a sea of poodle-rimmed eyes which is a bit much during the day.)   The overtanned Princess Beatrice wearing a beribboned gazelle horn attached to the front of her head at least matched her Valentino coat.  Poor Princess Eugenie - bad from head to wrinkled toe - with a skirt that added inches and pounds unnecessarily.

This proves even a genius like Philip Treacy can be led astray...    I like to imagine that he attempted an intervention or redirection and was overruled.  Or maybe they snuck in and bought them without his knowledge (I write this hopefully... sadly, that's probably not how it went down.)

On the plus side, at least the skirts aren't too tight and short.  The fawn color is nice.  That's about all that can be said positively for these two.  They have reasonably decent figures, access to fashion, and I just don't understand how this train wreck happened.  Did no one from the Palace say "Hmmm... maybe we should have someone ask the Princesses what they're planning to wear?  Make sure it looks okay?"  Was everyone so concerned with ensuring the "common" Middleton's were turned out that they assumed the Royal Tribe would dress properly?  Clearly, 'note to self':  "Next time there's a Royal Wedding watched by billions of people around the world, let's look at what the key players are planning to wear."

Then, later on, Princess Beatrice took off the antlers and changed into a purple dress for the party.

Unfortunately, things only got worse for Princess Beatrice as the day turned into night and then into morning after...  This is not how one wants to be seen leaving Buckingham Palace at 2 am...

Even with that catastrophe, the worst dressed for me was Chelsy Davy.  Honestly, get thee to a stylist!  Any designer in the world would have sent a dress to the girlfriend of the Best Man - guaranteed to be seen.  Instead, she chose an ill-fitting suit that manages to look frumpy and trashy at the same time.  Too tight, unflattering cut, terrible skirt length.  And then we get to the hat/fascinator (this is actually a hybrid - too small to be a hat, too big to be a fascinator, too ugly to be ignored.)  It blends into her hair, making it look like a nest attachment.  It's just a little sad.  She's got a career, is a University graduate, and by all accounts a very clever woman... but this was a major wardrobe misstep.    Would have loved to see her in something like this:

Oh, wait, that's the Alberta Ferretti sketch released that was supposed to be the dress designed for Chelsy.  So, what happened to that plan?

To end on a positive note - Philippa Middleton looked flawless (well, slighly overtanned, but that's just being picky - at least she's bronze, not orange.)  Never has being a train-carrier looked so elegant.  She looked perfect - I disagree with critics who said she had too much cleavage or too much emphasis on her enviable derriere.  I loved this dress, loved her in it, wrap it and have it sent to me immediately and throw in the green party dress too!  Now, I just have to get to the gym and do more lunges and squats to look like that -- and add an extra layer of Spanx...