Embracing Your Scars

I've just started reading a new book "Little Bee" that has received very good reviews. I'm only a few pages into it and was stopped by a wonderful quote from the narrator, a Nigerian girl living in England: "I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because, take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived."

I don't yet know what her scars are, but I'm sure they factor in the story and reveal much about her.  All of our scars reveal things about ourselves and instead of hiding, we need to embrace them.

I have a 4 1/2 inch scar that traces my collarbone.  It's the result of surgeries I had to fix the bone after it was broken in an accident.  The surgeon inserted a metal plate to heal the bone, waited 9 months, then went back in and took it out.  The accident itself was traumatic - and when the doctor told me I would need to have surgery to repair the bone he was apologetic about the requisite scar.  There's no way to hide the incision across that bone.  I thought I would be upset by the scar.  I thought my 'beauty OCD' would kick in and it would bother me (it's the same condition that makes me keep my nails polished nicely and legs shaved at all times!)

Surprisingly, I have come to see my scar as a badge of honor, in a way.  It's an accidental tattoo that acknowledges that I'm a survivor.  It's sort of sexy, even - makes me feel like a woman of mystery! (Hey, where did you get that scar? Knife fight?)

Most days I forget it's there unless someone points it out.  It hasn't changed what I wear or how I feel about myself and my beauty.  So, when I read that passage, it resonated with me.  The same attitude applies to all my scars.  I can look at the stretch marks from having three children and be distraught, or I can remember that I earned those marks and I have beautiful boys to show for it.  I see the scar in my left eyebrow where my brother and I ran into each other playing 'kick the can' in the dark when I was 10 and I remember my childhood.  Every scar has a story and deserves respect.

Padma Lakshmi, a former model and gorgeous television personality, has a prominent scar on her arm that she sees as something that makes her special.  "I've started seeing my body as a map of my life," says Lakshmi.  Her perspective is very inspiring!

Your assignment:  Look at your scars and remember how you got them.  What did you learn?  How can you embrace your scars to make them beautiful?

xx
Coni

It's in the Eyes

Last night I went to a wonderful birthday celebration for my best friend, Robin's, husband.  I always love Robin's parties because I get to catch up with her longstanding friends who I don't normally see, plus she usually has new, very interesting people that she meets along her way and she invites to the celebration.

Maybe it was the summer sunshine and the perfect temperature, but I suddenly became obsessed with looking at eyes.  (Now, eye contact is always an important element in projecting confidence and establishing a connection - so I try to pay attention to eye contact, anyway.  My rule of thumb:  when you meet someone, look them straight in the eye as you're shaking their hand and don't look away until you register the color of their eyes!  That's enough contact!)  But last night, after Robin introduced another friend, Carin, and I to a new lovely friend, Elizabeth, Carin commented on how beautiful Elizabeth's eyes were.  And it was true - they are a beautiful shade of seaglass green.  The thing I found astounding was that when Carin gave the compliment, our new friend Elizabeth just shone - her radiance increased by an X factor!

So, throughout the evening, if I was particularly intrigued by a person's eyes, I would tell them -- and the same thing happened.  (Of course, we only compliment sincerely -- nothing's worse than a fake compliment!  And, never tell someone their eyes look tired!!  That's a no-no! )  But when I would tell someone, "You know, you're eyes are really lovely - they remind me of... [seaglass, amber, mystery...] it's fascinating to see how they light up, and how much more of their true self comes through.

Eyes truly are the windows to the soul.  If you pay attention you can see joy, sadness, beauty, humor, tension, lust and every other emotion flit across like clouds on a landscape.

Your assignment:  (1) look in the mirror at your own eyes - what colors/flecks/patterns do you see, what emotions do you see? (2) pay attention to eyes today - your kids, your spouse, someone you've just met.  What do you see and if it's beautiful or positive, tell them!

How to make your own eyes even more amazingly beautiful?  My favorites and some tricks:

• Lashes lashes lashes!  I've tried Latisse and it did nothing for me - waste of cash! I'm still so sad that my favorite Jan Marini eyelash conditioner was forced to be reformulated - and I am eeeking out every drop from my remaining 'vintage' tube.  I'm trying Activlash serum now, and while it's okay, it's just not the same.  Lash extensions are an alternative for the 'lash challenged' - you'll wear half the eyemakeup and look gorgeous!  Lots of maintenance, but if you find a great person like Katie Johnston your visit is such a pleasure you won't even notice the time!  (Katie Johnston, Katie's, Salt Lake City, Utah, 801.897.4786 / katieslashes@gmail.com) 
• Always use eye cream before bed and pat delicately - I love SkinMedica
• Blue eye drops make the whites look whiter French Drops
• Preparation H takes away the bags
• My new favorite mascara is blinc but I alternate with Cover Girl great lash (you can pay more at the department store, but it's all the same, baby!)
• Grooming your eyebrows makes a huge difference  blinc's eyebrow mousse keeps brows in shape
• Maybelline Age Rewind Yellow Concealer hides my dark circles better than anything I've ever tried - even high-end expensive brands!
• And get lots of sleep to make sure you're eyes reflect your beautiful self!

XX,
Coni